Turning Comparison Into a Master Study
Originally Published on my Patreon Page…
September 14, 2024
My feelings are going from frustration to joyful excitement, back and forth. Don’t know if to add an exclamation point or a happy face to the end of that sentence. I’ve been in the process of creating patterns out of my Halloween Cupcake Illustrations from last year. I planned it this way, because photoshop is basically still a new tool for me. Last year, I was happy enough with just learning the basics of scanning and cleaning up my illustrations to upload them to sites like Society6 and Redbubble. And my dream of these illustrations being on gift wrapping paper and fabric was put on hold; at the time my patience was worn out by all the steps within photoshop and the setting up of my shops within each platform. I also have to keep reminding myself that I’m not full time artist and it is okay to go slow, firmly, one step at a time.
From the moment that I decided to start this journey, I knew there would be a lot of work. The only thing I was not expecting was for the work to be so frustrating and exhausting. And maybe it is exhausting because all I want to do is illustrate, so of course anything outside of that is causing resistance within myself. Take as an example, setting up a business account on Spoonflower, it involved completing a W9 form and placing an actual order of my own designs to become verified and be able to sell on their platform. Another example is the banners that have to be created and maintained at least each season to display on my shops. And one more example is social media, it’s not enough to show my illustrations but now I have to come up with ads to promote myself. My emotions keep going from frustration and resistance to joy. Today for the first time, I felt joy. It was nice to see my cupcake illustrations as a pattern on fabric and on the many products that can be bought on Spoonflower. Without selling anything yet, I feel that I have achieved a goal. Yes. Because to get to this point I had to battle my brain for many years, where every step I’m taking was just in my imagination. Today, it is a reality. I cannot imagine how I will feel when I see sales.
This is a post I have been wanting to write for a long time. I realize that each step that I’ve been taking seems slow, but I do not have more than 15 hours a week (if I’m lucky) to fully devote to this endeavor. It doesn’t matter than on my calendar the time slots say otherwise, because just like today, each day is unpredictable and I’m learning to make the best of it. I will not go into the details of my days, caring for my mom & sister, an actual paying job, and the keeping of our home. I’m thankful and proud of myself for being on this path, the creative path. And I’m pushing through not just because it has been a dream of many years, but this path gives me the time flexibility to continue to attend to all my daily responsibilities. The biggest challenge on this path, for me, has been mindset. I’ve always been disciplined. I do what I say I’m going to do. But also, I have this behavior that creeps up unexpectedly and can hold me back.
The behavior that I’m writing about is “comparison.” For me social media makes this behavior worse or maybe just more apparent. At first, it was hard for me to define this feeling of “nice envy” if there is such a thing. But once I realized this emotion was making decisions for me, like rushing and thinking I had to do what other artists were doing, I had to do something. I use social media as a tool, but it’s hard not to be bombarded with sponsored ads that as much as I click them as “not interested” they are on my face. Comparison also creeps up when I load my illustrations to the print on demand platforms. I start feeling disappointed because I see other artists’ shops have more designs, their banners are beautiful, etc. My shop banners… they are simple, they say “I’m a beginner,” but do they really say that? maybe. Each time these emotions creep up, I have to allow them to be, and remind myself that for every path, there is a learning curve, talent only gets one so far. Even in my current career, University didn’t prepare me for everything that was thrown my way, I had to learn, I had to learn fast and practice. Practice makes everything easier later on. If there is anything that brings me peace of mind is the reminder that everything can be figured out or learned along the way, you just keep moving. This I got from years of working for large companies, the best people are the ones flexible enough to continuously learn and keep moving forward.
Thankfully, along with the frustration of these past 2 weeks while tackling patterns and new platform set ups, came the thought or idea to turn my behavior into a positive by doing a study. According to google dictionary: a study is “a detailed investigation and analysis of a subject or situation.” That fits my idea. But I was thinking more in the lines of how in art school we are taught to study the masters. If I’m secretly brooding about other artists’ banners, POD shops, Pinterest and Instagram Ads (no one’s in particular by the way, when brooding I don’t have discernment), then I might as well turn that wasted time into productive time. I plan on gathering examples of what I’m envious of and obviously wish I could do, but not with the idea of copying it exactly as you would do in a master study, no. I’m thinking that if I find someone’s banner, shop, ad, etc., interesting…I could compile many examples to later figure out what it was that I found so attractive in them. Because the odd thing is I’m not comparing my art style to theirs. I don’t even wish my art to be or look like anyone else’s. I’m at peace with my work. In this regard, I believe if art comes from within, I look to grow from within. I believe that we make art that is unique to who we are, because we are like snowflakes. What I find myself always comparing against is what I did not think to learn all these years, things like graphic design, advertising, even color theory but for design. So this will be my homework each time I catch myself in that negative pattern. And once I have gathered enough examples and I have extracted from them that which I find attractive, then there is more work to do! First, I will have to decide for myself if it is skill that I need to learn and gather the resources to start learning. And second, I will have to decide for myself, what particulars from the examples I would like to use as inspiration and apply. I’m excited! More work, I know but if it helps me not just improve my shops, but also improve my mood and behavior…I’m excited!
With the brooding I delayed the completion of two new illustrations for Halloween. These are almost ready. I will share soon.